i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why is your signature on my underwear?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
