he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
