after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
