Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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