take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want nice things and good sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
