i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
