did you get engaged???
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
