benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
