Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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