my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
