So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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