My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
