I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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