took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
