I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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