my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i've created a new STD.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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