They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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