Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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