don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
