no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
