Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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