I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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