i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone came in the potted fern
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
