fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
