3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
