i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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