he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
