I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
