pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
