Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
