I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
