went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize