Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I stole a fireplace last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
