today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
