Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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