Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She bit a glass in half.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
