We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
