sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
