Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
