why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize