anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
