You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
