Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
