i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
