theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
