i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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