Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
