oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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