I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize