I am in a vortex of obligation.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
