it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
