My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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