No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
