You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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