how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize