I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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