So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
