Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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