If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
