I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
