Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Be still, my beating vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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