I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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