SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
