You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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