Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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