***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
a search helicopter?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
