i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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