I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
did i walk over a car last night?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
