someone get that fucking seahorse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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