vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
