Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
